Port report

Secret investigations are resuming into the World Ball underground, worldwide.

Our reporter, Laser, prefers to go by Lass, stepped into The Mantrap -- a quoth 'old man pub' -- in a popular Scottish port town.

Through the back of The 'Trap, as it is known fondly by locals, is a hidden door leading onto a lawn. The lawn is sheltered by hedgerows bounded by lattices on which are grown many nasturtiums. The air is perfumed with their green, peppery musk.

If you can avoid the publust, this beatific Eden awaits.

Top players in the area gather to practice here. Sometimes neighbourhood kids volunteer to hold transparent tarp over the garden to block out the wind and rain. They consider this a celestial honour.

World Ball, as we know, is typically played in swimming pool environments. Enthusiasts here have struggled to find pools suitable for the intricate mind meld of the game -- especially given the volume and frequency of school swimming gala culture which clogs the municipal pool calendars. 

Due to the shortage of pool availability, WB players have taken to lawns. The game is totally different. For one, players wear thermals. There is no ragged danger slope of weed hell awaiting a ball of course. But there is no aquatic buoyancy. Some say the lawn game becomes 'too light'. To mitigate this, players may adopt a booty band of appropriate strength level in order to constrain the freedom of their legs. It is said the booty band makes for a game of special tension. It is excellent to watch. 

Look out: in future weeks, we may reveal the passcode for lawn entry in The Mantrap. Perms and suspicions apply.